Scooter goes to dinner

My wife and I have a fictional child together. Fictional children are the best to have. They don't wet the bed. They don't cost you money. They don't even wait until they've decimated a dozen and a half years of your life to say "I hate you!" No, fictional children are awesome because their hypothetical existence only occurs when you have to consider how you, as a non-parent, would respond to situations parents face everyday. I encourage everyone to have a fictional child or 2. Rename the voices in your head if you must. Scooter is the name of our FC.

Recently Megan shot me a link on facebook about a restaurant that let their patrons know, unequivocally, that screaming children would not be tolerated. I figured everyone would champion the cause of the Olde Salty. I used to think that the best thing to add to my steak was the shrieking howl of some oblivious nearby parent's "precious." Over time, I have found that A-1 does enhance the flavor better, but still I get the shrieking howl. Wishing there was a place I could go that didn't serve the screaming was a dream I dared not dream until one brave little restaurant decided to make it a reality. We found out pretty fast that my desire for relaxation with my meal was an offensive assault to some.

Right off, people tried to make it a legal issue. "That's discrimination!" Choosing to eat out is discrimination. I am a discriminating person who knows he cannot cook and would like to pay a more talented person to do it for me in an inviting atmosphere. This place didn't say they wouldn't serve children, just that they wouldn't tolerate those who had the manners of a bum strung out on meth.

Then it became an attack on the restaurant and the owners. "They are a hellhole and I hope they choke on the feet of 1000 chickens." I've never eaten at the place and neither have you, so why go all Taliban on them?

I understand that children aren't always perfect. In public I often look the other way when they're acting out because that's what kids do. The problem for me is trying to understand why people take infants and small children who don't behave out to a public restaurant. My parents had a whole arsenal of ways to deal with it. They had the "guess who gets to stay over at grammas tonight!" problem avoidance approach. There was the "don't MAKE me take my belt off!" tabletop approach. A close companion to the last is the "just wait 'til we get home!" approach, accompanied with the maniacal smile that always brought my brother and I to silence. Last but not least there was the "where's my mom?" approach. The last was the one where my brother and I never saw our mother at a restaurant or movie because she was constantly taking the screaming/upset/tired child who acted out to the bathroom or outside until they calmed themselves. My mother never saw an entire movie in the late 80's to mid 90's, poor gal.

Megan and I aren't fools. We know Scooter, despite being the awesomest kid ever, would act up. Rather than get upset at others for wanting some peace and quiet with the meal they'd purchased, we just decided to use the wisdom of our elders to avoid the problem at the start. Scooter would either not go to dinner until he could behave or we'd stop him from ruining everyone else's experience. How hard is that, parents?